Dear my amazing friends of color,
I’m sorry for my social media silence. I have been pretty vocal in person but that is not enough.
I am horrified. I want to apologize to every person of color, especially black man, I see.
I close my eyes and all I can see is Philando Castile bleeding to death in his car with a gun pointed at him and hear his stepdaughter crying and sirens – but apparently not fucking ambulance sirens – in the background.
I am so sorry. What else can I say? Everything feels empty.
I vote. I notice and get angry when 90% of the people I see pulled over are not white. I wrestle with the small parts I can imagine of living in fear that your partner, son, father will be killed for fucking being alive.
But it isn’t enough. It will never be enough.
Especially when I feel myself pulling away from a black man asking me for money on the street.
I am ashamed. Constantly. Because I do not get to escape the racism we all live in – it is inside me and everyone.
I try to notice and correct myself. I try to speak out. I try.
But it will never be enough and I’m sorry. I am so so sorry.
But I will keep trying.